No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
