I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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