the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize