I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
