Jerry, you need to find god
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
