i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
