I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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