u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
