So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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