You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
