fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just invented taco cereal.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
