so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
