Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My cat gives me a boner
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
