I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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