i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
