So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize