I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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