it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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