You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
