Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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