Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
