If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
