I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
