Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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