part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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