Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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