it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
