I cockslap morals
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
