he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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