Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
