But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
