Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
