i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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