i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
