My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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