You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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