you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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