That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
