"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize