No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
