I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
