ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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