I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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