I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize