Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
