We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
