We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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