She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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