Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
