so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
