left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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