Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
