cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
