he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
