Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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