i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
