can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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