we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
