I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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