Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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