I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I deserve this hangover.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
