there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize