So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
