I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
