Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
