There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
