I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
