Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh god it's open bar.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
