My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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