so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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