Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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