so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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