She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
