as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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