I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
