capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
