HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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