dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
