it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
