How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
