but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
