Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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