I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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